I've had an abortion. Let's just clear the air before we move forward.

Yes – this is a Christian site and I am publicly admitting that I had an abortion. I first shared this part of my past this past February of 2015. I was sitting with a group of powerful women from Liberty Church and they shared with boldness areas where they have found freedom.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a bit of a muddled past. A string of “not ideal scenarios” including sexual abuse from a babysitter, being raped in high school, having a rare disease that made me look like a leper, my best friend sleeping with my boyfriend, and other fun stuff – I could easily do a 50 hour speech of “Areas I have been set free from.”

However, at 7:30am on a random February morning – God had other plans. As I shared, rivers of water flowed from my eyes. You see, I had made a promise to myself that I would “never share this secret with anyone. Ever.” As I shared this, I felt a healing in my heart that I didn’t know was possible. Within 24 hours, I was sharing this with a room full of over 150 women with my sister in law Andi by my side.

I can’t tell you how many women that I prayed for that night – that had an abortion and were filled with fear, pain, shame and regret.

So – after all of that – what’s my view on abortion.

I read recently that three out of ten women will have an abortion by the age of 45. When I read that, my eyes welled up with tears. After all is said and done, I don’t think women should have abortions.

You may be thinking “Jessi, that’s really hypocritical because you did!” However, in all the chaos of womens rights and being in my early twenties – no one warned me of the deep shame and pain that would fill my heart. The whole abortion process was traumatic and lonely. Months later I attempted to commit suicide because of the pain and rejection that consumed me. It was that week that I had an encounter with Jesus and my life turned around.

Even after doing a year of missions around the world – this was still a secret that I kept – never to be shared. Many of you reading this are probably shocked right now.

I think what is being released about Planned Parenthood is beyond disturbing. I am not going to go down the rabbit hole of fetus vs baby and when does life start. I am here simply to give the perspective from a woman that had an abortion. Many politicians and organizations talk about the rights a woman should have but don’t talk about the after math.

After my abortion, there was no follow up call of how I was doing emotionally. I often hear the argument of “What if a woman is raped and gets pregnant.” I don’t think two wrongs make a right here. I think having an abortion will only just add to the trauma.

What do I think is the solution?

This is really tricky. My husband Parker always says “You can’t mention a problem without a solution.” I think the solution is Jesus. I think many Christians are wanting the government to not act like the world. They want politicians to give them a solution that the church was always meant to provide.

Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But my kingdom is not from the world.”  – John 18:36

I think we need to start talking about abortion. Not in the sense of bashing people that have had them, but offering them love and Grace and show them their identity in Jesus. I think we need to show extreme love and Christian women that had abortions near to share their stories of redemption! I wish in my early twenties someone just told me “Jessi, if you make this decision it’s going to really hurt your heart. Jesus loves you so much. If you have this baby – I will help you find it a home. You will not be rejected but you are surrounded by love.” However – all I heard from my boyfriend is “I will leave you and you will ruin your entire life if you have this baby.” All I heard from the global church was “We will reject you.”

I think the church needs to create solutions for women that have babies and can not care for them. Church of the Highlands has asked families in their church to be foster parents. Mercy Ministries helps women going through any life issue and offers real solutions and the love of Jesus.

From a girl who has had an abortion that has been set free from shame, rejection, fear and abandonment – You are not alone if you’ve had an abortion or if you are currently pregnant – you are loved and there is a way out of your pain. There are churches out there that will not judge you but love you into wholeness. Despite what you think or feel – there are people that want to surround you with love and help you on a journey of freedom.

If you have had an abortion or you’re planning on having one – please email me. I would love to be an ear to listen and be a voice of hope for you! Jessi@SaltChurches.com